When we found out Naya had a brain bleed and hydrocephalus I had a really hard time with it.
As great as our NICU was, no one really took the time to explain to us what brain hemorrhage or hydrocephalus meant. I mean I knew what the text book definition was, but what did it mean for us in the real world I had no idea.
I pictured my child in a wheelchair, void of intellectual capabilities. I was angry, devastated. and heartbroken.
It took me a long time to mourn what I thought my child would have been like had she been born at full term. It hurt beyond belief. It was a constant state of despair. To have what parents fear the most happen to us. I can’t even begin to describe the pain.
Adrian accepted it much quicker than I did. And I think for the most part I’ve block out a lot of the emotions. But I do remember thinking ‘What did I do to deserve this?’ I prayed and screamed. Cried…and cried…..and begged. And the surgeries kept coming….
I can’t say when it happened…I guess it was a gradual process, but eventually I accepted it. I would say probably around the 2-3 year mark. Or even later maybe. I began to realize that despite everything, Naya was Naya. She smiled….and showed us love. It took her 2 years but she finally learned to walk….and at 3 years she finally started to eat solid food. I began to see the light….I began to see her light. =)
