Emotions – No Filter

9BEDF66D-226B-496A-BB6B-7DA934AF460FI don’t really notice that Naya has special needs until I see her with other kids. And then it hits home how delayed she is.

I think she has done tremendously well…and our favourite thing to hear from people is that “they would never have guessed” she’s been thru what she has.   But then you spend 10 minutes with her and you soon realize she is different.

Adrian and I have become self isolated. We don’t socialize much.  It’s like we’ve forgotten how.  Sometimes I feel so damaged that I don’t know how to relate to others. It’s been 6 yrs now and we are so different than who we used to be.

Sometimes I feel like I’m more forgiving. And others I feel like I don’t take bullshit. I value happiness. I feel that life is too short not to be happy. To put up with someone who treats you poorly. To work a job you hate. To do something you don’t want to do. It’s not worth it. Because at anytime, it could end. I know. A little morbid.

But i get it. Life is precious. And it’s not a guarantee. With every surgery there is a chance she won’t wake up. Or she’ll wake up different from who we’ve known.

The phrase I hate to hear the most?

“It will be ok.”

What the hell does that mean?  If she wakes up a vegetable, is that still ok?  Fuck you.  She might die in the OR. Is that your definition of ok?  No. For most people that’s not ok. If you don’t know what to say just don’t say anything at all.

I think part of why we have become isolated is just that. The things that people worry about are so trivial compared to what we worry about. We worry about life. And death. Other people worry about if their next car will be a BMW or Audi or Mercedes. Yeah.. I know. Suck to be you.

 

 

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