The Crazy After the Storm

I’m literally going crazy.  My child is home.  Surgery was a success.  She is recovering well….it’s great!  I am so grateful.  But I’m falling apart.

I always break down AFTER we get home from the hospital.  After the emergency, after the surgery…after I stay strong for my daughter.  It’s now that I crumble.  My emotions get the better of me.  I start getting upset and angry that’s its happened again.  I cry, I drink, I eat junk food….I run until I feel like puking.  I finally let my guard down.

And now we throw in what seems like 2 children in one – the seizure meds.  The angel and the devil.  On one hand preventing seizures is critical.  On the other, they make my child UNMANAGABLE!!  The anger, the temper…the panic and the anxiety! She is miserable…and so am I.

So combined with managing myself…and managing a child who is not herself, I’m in a dark hole.  Waiting…and coping minute by minute…until that light at the end of the tunnel starts glowing brightly again.  Meanwhile…I’ve polished off half a bottle of wine…and its only 5pm.